I’ve started feeling grateful for my migraines, which is a weird way to go about life. I guess the stress compounds over time and then a migraine magically appears and I can’t think about much anymore. I’m rendered inert, laying in bed for 1-2 days, drifting in and out of sleep.
Lately I’ve been trying to get into a balanced headspace. It’s working, which is nice. I spend time alone, breathing and reflecting on my problems, settling and grounding myself so I can start going after more. Life requires so much energy and during restorative periods I’m like a squirrel storing away nuts for the winter, a spring pulling itself back so it can ricochet forward.
The migraines are nice, which is bizarre to explain. There is a lot of pain but then there is a strange feeling of euphoria that appears in the midst of them. I’m not sure if that’s my brain trying to make up for the bad experience, or if I feel good simply because I don’t have to think anymore. If I can’t think, then I won’t have problems, just the moment.
I have a lot of unwieldy life work I need to tackle, and the migraines are forcing me to hit the brakes on my machinations and the bursts of stress that accompany them. I feel more and more like I can manage my job search, which is super positive. But life has to be settled before I start. I need to be on top of things at work, I need to be clearheaded when working with recruiters and interviewers. I might talk to my current company about growth opportunities, so I have to manage those conversations. Calm is essential for performance, performance is a matter of survival.
Also money. Money is a big one. The more composed I am, the clearer and more well informed I sound, the more I increase the chances of companies wanting to pay into me, to flood my wallet with their cash. I read somewhere that you should burn cinnamon sticks at the beginning of each month to amplify the energy of abundance. Money is like energy, and I want it to flow to me.
a soft death 