For this weeks entry, I jotted down a different idea each day
Monday – The Vomit Diaries
I had a small headache Sunday night and then by mid-morning Monday it had morphed into a full blown migraine with elements of nausea. I took a nap on the desk in the small office and wound up puking 30 minutes later. I passed out again, woke up, and then went back to my desk. I asked my boss if it smelled like vomit, he said yes. I told him the story about the time I went out drinking after eating Indian food and wound up puking at the bar. My friend let me crash at his place and my vomit laden breath ruined one of his pillows. He had been seeing a married girl and when he brought her back to his place a few days later, my vomit pillow interrupted their evening. Sorry Mike.
Tuesday – The Hair Cut
I was watching my friends dogs over the weekend and was sprinting 3 times a day between Williamsburg and Greenpoint. On Saturday night I washed my hair and put in a ton of product. On Sunday morning I woke up and noticed a slew of split ends. I wanted to schedule a hair appointment but I was too impatient. On my way back from watching the dogs I found a tutorial on how to trim your own hair. I stood in front of the mirror, tied a hair band at the base of my skull, slid it closer down to my ends, and then clipped off a 3.5 inch section of hair. I really like my new hair cut, it looks good and you can’t tell it’s not from a salon.
Wednesday – Uncooked
I’m actually more functional again after my really heavy stint with psychedelics. I don’t know how to describe what it feels like to do a ton… it’s like running 100 threads of floss through your brain. Everything gets turned to mush, cleaned, and then reorganized. The recovery process is basically a lot of sleep and sticking to a regular schedule. Mentally I’m in a different spot, much more clearheaded. Psychedelics get weird though and I can see why people go insane. Be safe, be careful, and please see a therapist while working with them.
Thursday – Everything Is
Sleep is a critical part of settling into oneself. Last night I drank tulsi tea before bed and slept deeply. As I write this I’m craving the feeling of coming home and getting ready for bed. My relationship with sleep mirrors how stable I feel in my own life. For years, my life was so unsettled that I had a difficult time resting. I think I always I slept with one eye open. My luck is slowly changing though. I’ve spent a lot of time repairing my internal world and recently recovered from a major depressive streak. Learning to manage the emotional turbulence that comes with being alive builds confidence. I still have growing pains but things are slowly coming together.
Friday – Persephone
The myth of Hades and Persephone is meant to illustrate the origin of the seasons, but I think it represents the cycles of our internal world. In the myth, Hades falls in love with Persephone and pulls her into the Underworld. Her mother Demeter is frantic to retrieve her and has Zeus strike a deal to resolve the issue: Persephone will spend part of the year above ground, and the other part of it in the Underworld with Hades. When Persephone returns above ground, spring and summer occur, and when she is in the underworld it is fall and winter. Our internal world is similar. When I am in my flow and life is aligned, it is summer. When life is cruel and chaotic, it is winter and I am pulled below. The Underworld isn’t all doom and gloom though. As the myth progresses, Hades crowns Persephone and during her time in the Underworld allows her to come into her individual identity.
Saturday – Show Me Your Teeth
I wrote too much this week so I’m going to do a quote for today:
Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, nor hell a fury like a woman scorned.
– from The Mourning Bride by William Congreve
a soft death 