I really don’t know what inspired me to write this post. I’ve spent the past 2 weeks on various substances, and right now am in the process of shooting myself back into sobriety. I did MDMA this evening and am right now sitting naked in my AC-less apartment, on my couch, writing this fucking thing. I love MDMA so much, mostly because every time I do it I see this giant tear. It’s like a claw ripping through a wall, and I think it’s my fierceness.
Ok guys, I told you this would be weird, but I had to do it. I’m always looking for my voice when I’m writing and it’s hard to find. It kind of gets like dredged up more than it gets a chance to flow like water, like honey. Right now it feels like it’s flowing, everything feels really good. I fucking love MDMA, what the fuck. I made like 2 phone calls, one to my friend Alex where I told her I think her grandmother wants me to protect her, and another to my landlord to tell him I love him for taking care of me.
I love how savage MDMA makes me feel. It’s such a weird way to feel on a party drug. It makes me feel like a wolf, like a woman who knows how to fight for herself. I remember the last time I did it I felt that come through me and it was pretty fucking wild. I love being a woman, we’re fucking insane. The spectrum that we experience reality is so unknown to so many people. I am so thankful for all of it. This is such a weird entry.
I deleted one of my paragraphs cuz I thought they sucked. I don’t know what else to write right now. Is this okay? I always get so anxious with my writing and it drives me crazy. I want to stop it from being so tight, I want things to flow a little better.
a soft death 