I’m depressed right now. It’s temporary and it’s because a certain cloud of negative thoughts were triggered, but it’s also my current reality. I’m pretty in touch with my mental health and I am trying not to let the cloud sit around. I want the opposite, where I tackle the thoughts, make sense of things, and let go.
Dating is tough, but as I get more and more into the thick of it, I’m realizing my difficulties have so much less to do with whatever shit happens between myself and another person, and so much more to do with my negative thought cycles. I was listening to a businessman talk about rejection and he said that when things don’t work out, he’s like a river encountering a stone, he flows around it and keeps going.
This sounds superhuman. I’m wrought with anxieties and self esteem issues. The idea of turning into a flowing river during rejection is truly #mentalhealthgoals. Also my self esteem has been finely minced and ground up. I’ve experienced loads of rejection. Or maybe I haven’t experienced that much. Maybe I’ve had a handful of significant experiences that instilled a fear of rejection.
I went to the gym and afterwards felt super depressed. It felt like my emotions were caving in over my head. I drank some matcha and am now feeling manic and empty. I hate it when I swing so much emotionally. I signed up for a bunch of hypnosis this morning though and I have a phone call with my psychic uncle. Last night I had a dream about the nodes in Aries and Libra, the eclipses. My tarot cards live with me and I’m forever combing through readings, but right now I feel like I need to lean into another set of coping mechanisms.
a soft death 