I feel really good. You know how you go through a really dark period in your life and then the sun comes out? I feel like I’m in that spot right now, like the shadows are receding and light is everywhere. It’s interesting, I was born on April 8 and in numerology 8 represents extremes, like abundance vs poverty. I think about this a lot in terms of my life. The last year and a half was absolutely dreadful and such a stark contrast from the sunshine it was the years prior. I can’t help but wonder if my life is doomed to run in seasons, between winters and summers.
I get depressed thinking about this, mostly because it makes me feel cursed. Do other people have seasons? Are there people out there whose lives are consistently a warm sunny glow? Or do people bury their seasons, living in a constant lukewarm stability that never explodes.
I went on a 2.5 hour bike ride late last night through the city. Biking in the city can be weird. Near the Manhattan Bridge there is a white bike tied to a post, meaning someone died there. When I would see those as a pedestrian I would think “Amber, never ride your bike in the city.” Now that I see them as a rider I get skeptical, like “Well, maybe they weren’t paying attention, maybe they were riding aggressively.” And then I look at myself, riding through the city at midnight, kinda sleepy, with headphones blaring techno at full blast.
I feel like the sun is coming up. I don’t know how to describe it as anything else. I have a 3 day weekend and I’m sitting in my apartment with my windows open, listening to the neighbors phone ring and the noise from the trucks on the street. If I can hear poetry, feel poetry, surely I must be alive.
Title is a Bob Marley quote
a soft death 