I was PMSing last week so I was way more emotional in my posts. I feel like my posts right now are going to suck. I’m not in an emotional headspace, I just feel really flat and objective. Work has been crazy. There’s a lot of drama in the building I manage and I’m really like, not feeling it anymore. I loved my job for several years because it was really relaxing, but now it seems to have lost that glow and become more invasive than I want it to be.
Working in New York can be weird and awful. I don’t think companies want you to come in, do your work, and leave. I think they want to own your soul. Bleed you dry and then dispose of you. At least that’s my dark twisted take on things. I feel really bored with this way of living. Anyone who wakes up in the morning and thinks “how do I emotionally consume my employees?” needs to buy a house on a tropical island and figure their fucking shit out.
But yeah. I think I want to move my life in a new direction. I’ve been seeing the number 555 like crazy and it symbolizes big change. I’m not sure how my shift is going to emerge, but right now I’m focusing on getting into the right energy for it. New York is such a strange beast. I think it’s the one place that defies logic and calls you to believe in the esoteric, that there are more complex spiritual realities at play.
I wish I had more exciting news, a fucking passionate essay on like, surviving bullshit. But I don’t. I’m listening to a tarot card reading and drinking sparkling water and trying to figure my shit out. I don’t know anymore than you do. I wake up and take a train to the upper west side everyday and get reamed. I’m just out here trying to survive.
a soft death 