I was watching Mr. Beast talk about his YouTube page and how the first 500 videos sucked. I also watched another YouTuber I love (Minnow Pond Tarot) talk about how it took years to build his channel. Suffice to say, I think this blogging thing that I am attempting to do could take years to really go somewhere. I honestly have no idea what it is I am trying to create or the direction this is going in. It’s very much it’s own process, I just keep showing up and investing.
I sobered up recently (again) and that always helps my writing because I am more clearheaded and articulate. One of the things content creators talk about is the value their work brings to the audience. I have to ask myself this question a lot about my writing. What purpose does it serve? Does it help people? Is it just a weird public journal?
Back to the numbers though. Numbers are important because they give a realistic sense of what to expect. For example when it comes to dating I keep track of the number of first dates people go on before they land a really good match. I’ve heard 40, 60, 150, and 200 first dates before landing a match. So when I go on 50 first dates and am disappointed by the outcome, I can ground myself and remember that realistically speaking, I have 150 more to go…
The numbers continued though. If the first 500 YouTube videos that Mr. Beast made sucked, then that means my first 500 blog entries are going to suck. Even Henri Cartier-Bresson said “Your first 10,000 photographs are your worst.” 10,000!!!!! If I took a photo everyday for 27 years, I would hit 10,000 photos. And he was working with film and developing his own photos in a darkroom. That is an extraordinary devotion of time and energy.
Robert Greene in Mastery espouses the 10,000 hour rule, which is that it takes 10,000 hours before you become an expert at something. This comes out to approximately 3-4 hours a day for 10 years. These are obviously depressing digits to look at because it requires a lot of effort and growth before arriving at an outcome. The silver lining though, is that there is an outcome.
Back to sobriety though. I do think me blogging about trying to quit smoking weed is helpful. Honestly I think weed is a warm blanket I can wear when my nervous system is being gutted to the fucking ends of the earth by whatever romantic situation I fell into. I’m feeling a bit manic after quitting, but overall I think I’m moving my life in the right direction.
a soft death 