I am starting to learn a lot about astrology. It’s definitely been a slow process. Lots of YouTube videos and random IG posts have given me a better sense of how things work. Maren Altman is my fav astrologer by the way. You can look her up on YouTube and Instagram.
I’m starting to learn about my chart. It’s an interesting process because I know myself and my personality, and then see a lot of alignment in terms of how things look in my chart. For example I am an Aries. We’re known to be incredibly independent, tomboy-ish, fiery women. I think that describes me in a lot of ways. There’s a strong presence of fire in my chart, so I’m predisposed to impulsiveness and risk taking. I lack earth signs in my chart, which means I’m not exactly the most grounded and logical thinker. Pairing risk taking with a lack of logic can lead to some pretty wild situations with steep learning curves. I won’t elaborate, but I think this blog is pretty emblematic of that.
I feel strange having this out there, and a lot of the time I don’t know what to make of myself for trying to write. I found a Kurt Vonnegut letter that he wrote to elementary school students and he told them to write, to engage in a creative activity, not for the recognition or the reward, but for the impact it would have on your souls growth.
So I guess, that’s my risk in all of this. I’m setting aside the optics that come with putting my thoughts out on the internet and opting into the journey this opens up for me. That leaves me with a lot of awkward emotions. I spend time ruminating over why I even have a blog, or why I even bothered putting this out there in the first place. But I keep going anyways, because I’m an Aries, ruled by the God of War, but temperamental like a child. I would rather stubbornly and naively put up a fight then wallow in self pity and give up.
But the Chiron in Gemini. I learned about this ages ago, but I revisited it after one of my astrologers brought it up again. It’s essentially the wound where you were made to feel insecure and bullied. My wound revolves around being seen as an intelligent person, and frequently results in feelings of being unintelligent or a failure. This is a massive truth for me and one that I’ve struggled with for years. I feel like a lot of people get their affirmation of intelligence from their grades, parents, friends, etc. My upbringing was a bit chaotic (an immigrant shit show, if you will), and I sort fell through the cracks with school. My parents weren’t crazy about building me up either, so they didn’t exactly validate me as a sentient being.
I started this blog to prove that I was an intelligent being, but I realize now that this blog won’t even offer proof of that. Writing has taught me that my output would resonate with some people and seem strange to others. That there was no way for my intelligence to be seen as a universal truth, but rather for my truth to be seen as a thread that could connect me to other internal realities. There is a silver lining (and not one I can necessarily bank on yet- time will tell), your Chiron eventually becomes your super power. We’ll see how things pan out, but right now I’m still trying to figure out how to play the hand I’ve been dealt.
a soft death 