I texted a friend something weird, and then immediately after I apologized. “Sorry I was high and at the gym.” It’s 2:39pm on a work day and I should be in the office. I took a personal day instead, and will probably take one tomorrow.
New York moves at a frenetic pace. I always feel like I have things under control and then I’m swept under another current. Thursday I have a torrent emails waiting for me in my inbox. But it will be the weekend a day later, so in some sense I am gradually weaning my way into work, the new year.
I restarted fasting for the first time in a long time. It helps me calm my mind down and focus better. It’s nice after a work out too, I get really hungry. Right now I am stoned, in a fasted state, sitting crossed legged in an empty room writing this. I’m listening to Enigma and thinking about my psychic reading with Avalon on Saturday morning. The messages that came through said that I had an overactive mind. I get caught up in too many things in my head, drain myself, and then don’t have energy left over for the things I love.
New York is gray, quiet and it feels like there is not much happening. The calm helps me disconnect, to find safety in the silence.
a soft death 